After She Left
by Haribelle347
Summary: My personal take on what happened after Clarke left Bellamy and the rest of Camp Jaha.
1. Chapter 1

"I bare it so they don't have to."

Bellamy couldn't help but stare at her, dumbfounded. It wasn't quite disbelief, more an unwillingness to accept. His mind was racing,but it was like he couldn't quite grasp any single thought. He shook his head slightly, blinking a few times to clear his head, as if it was possible at a time like this. "Where will you go?" Maybe if he could just make her realize how stupid this idea was, how foolish and reckless she was being… Maybe she wouldn't leave.

Clarke smiled faintly, sadly, and shrugged. "I don't know," she said, and watched Bellamy's face as he seemed to try to hold her there with his eyes alone. Looking at him like this, she knew she wouldn't be able to keep her nerve for long. As tears stung her eyes she moved to hug him, granting herself the small pleasure of kissing his cheek before clutching him tightly. Disbelief held him still for all of a second or two before he hugged her back, clinging to her fiercely for the few moments she allowed it. "May we meet again," she all but sobbed, barely managing to choke back tears as she let him go to look at his face one last time before taking her first steps away.

Bellamy granted himself a single glance back at her as she made her way away from camp, and it was all he could do to tear his gaze away as he mumbled to himself, "May we meet again." He knew then and there that, somehow, someway, he would make sure he saw her again.

The walk back into the camp was the worst. There were people who couldn't look him in the eye, and then there were people who tried to hug him, to give him a high five, to thank him for saving them. In his mind he knew he identified more with the people who couldn't bare to look at him. He could feel the weight of all the lives he was forced to take back in Mount Weather deep in his heart, and he knew he'd never be able to get rid of that guilt. He knew he hadn't been given a choice, he had to make the call to save his people, he just wished there had been a better way, and he couldn't help but feel that a better man would have been able to find that way.

He had told Clarke that they deserved a drink. Right now Bellamy didn't think he deserved it so much as he needed it. He needed something to take the edge off his thoughts, something to dull the pain, and Monty's moonshine seemed like the best bet.

It had been maybe an hour or so, and he had already finished four drinks by the time one of the guards, he couldn't recall his name, came to find him. "Dr. Griffin is looking for you. She says she wants to talk to you, but she isn't allowed to move from medical," the guards voice was soft, but gruff. Bellamy could tell he knew what happened, whether he had been in the mountain, or just heard the stories already, and he was trying to be careful with him right now. Bellamy nodded, knocking back the last of his fifth moonshine before clambering to his feet and half staggering to the medical bay.

Bellamy was barely in the makeshift door before he hears Abby. "Bellamy, what's going on? People are saying Clarke is gone. That she never came back into camp. Where is my daughter?" For as much hell as Dr. Abby Griffin has been through, her voice sounds stronger than he would have thought it'd be. He finally looks up at her and sees her laying in a cot, presumably for her injuries, with Jackson standing close at hand. For the life of him he couldn't say what kind of look his face held, but it took all of a few seconds for Abby to realize something wasn't right. She tried to sit up, but Jackson was there to gently hold her back, telling her she needed to rest, that her body wasn't ready to deal with more stress. "Bellamy, where the hell is Clarke?"

At that he had to look away. He could already hear the tears in her voice that he himself refused to shed. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself before he told her, "Clarke left. She couldn't come back. Said she couldn't face it, what we had to do. She left us." No matter how hard he tried to keep himself in check, he could still hear his voice shaking as he spoke. Emotions battling inside him, each trying to take precedent.

Abby made a noise, something between a choke, sob, and a gasp. "How could you just let her leave?! Why didn't you make her come home?" She barely even paused before turning to Jackson and all but yelling at him, "Go get Kane. Tell him I need him. He needs to send a search party out now. Now damn it! We need to find Clarke before something happens to her!"

Jackson looked pained and tried calming her down, trying to keep her in her bed. "Abby I -" but he was cut off by Kane entering the room"

"Abby, I'm sorry. I should have come to you sooner, but there is a lot to be done now. Monty already came to tell me about Clarke, he gave his advice, and I'm inclined to take it. Clarke left because she needs to work through some things on her own. She's strong willed and stubborn, just like her mother, and I'm sure that no one would have been able to stop her, so berating Bellamy is hardly a proper thing to do. She needs time, and she wants to do that alone. I think we should give it to her." He tried to keep his voice stern, but it held the sadness of the events he had endured, and an exhaustion that had only begun to set in.

The room was still for a moment, but only for a moment. Abby seemed to have found her voice and started yelling, demanding that Clarke be found. She tried moving from her cot, she got angry and started crying, flinging insults at anyone and everyone, and in the end, Kane had to have Jackson sedate her.

Kane turned to look at Bellamy, and his gaze held sorrow, regret, guilt and understanding all at once. "You did what you had to. We tried to make peace. We tried to offer a way for everyone to live and be happy, but they wouldn't have it. You, Clarke, Monty… You all did something, but they made the choice themselves when they refused to see reason. I don't blame Clarke for needing time alone. I don't blame any of you for what you were forced to do." It looked as if there was more he wanted to say, but he took one look at the tears that were only beginning to flow from Bellamy's eyes and shut his mouth. He stepped forward to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder before sighing and walking out.

The moonshine must have been taking full effect, because before he really knew what he was doing, Bellamy was walking to the further corner of camp. He needed to get away from everyone, he needed to think, but he knew he couldn't leave.

He sat on the ground and rested his head in his hands before he let his emotions wash over him. He was ashamed he had let her go. He was angry that she felt she needed to leave. He was pissed that she could be selfish enough to leave them all here to deal with it alone. And he was hurt. Not in a physical sense, not really anyway. But his heart ached in a way that he could almost really feel. Clarke hadn't pulled that lever alone. He was part of it too. He was hurt that she thought she needed to shoulder all the blame. He was hurt that she could just walk away from it all, whatever her reasoning was. But most of all, and what was almost shocking to him, was that he was hurt that she could just walk away from him.

He never realized just how much she meant to him. Sure, in the beginning, Clarke had been a major pain in his ass. She always opposed him, thought she knew better than him. But ultimately, Clarke was the balance to him. Together they were able to get their people where they were today. They disagreed a lot, fought even, but when it counted, they were always there for each other. He had come to depend on her, to care for her. To love her in a way that he had never even questioned his motives and feelings when she needed him to do something. He loved her.

He sat there for a long time. Night had fallen by the time he finally moved to join the others in the barracks. In the time he sat, he came to a few conclusions, though. He accepted that he loved her, and realized he was foolish for not realizing it sooner. He accepted that she needed time, even time alone, so she could come to terms with all the things she had been forced to do to keep her people alive.

And he made himself a promise. He'd give Clarke her time. He'd let her be alone to find herself. But one day, and one day soon, he'd find her. He'd find her, and he'd bring her back. Because he realized now that he needed her, that everyone in the camp, regardless of their feelings, needed her.

**Ok guys, so this is just chapter one right now. This is the first fanfic I have ever written, so I would extremely appreciate any kind of feedback you might have for me. Whether it's good or bad, I need to hear it. If you actually like it, I'll make sure to have the next chapter out as soon as possible :)


	2. Chapter 2

Whether it had been fate or pure luck, Clarke managed to survive the winter. To be fair though, she didn't do it purely alone. When Bellamy had been in the mountain he had met a Grounder who went by the name of Echo, and she seemed to think that she owed him a debt.

Echo and the rest of the Grounders who had been held captive in the cages of Mount Weather seemed to hold Bellamy in high regard for his part in freeing them from their hell. They didn't seem to blame Lexa for the call she made to trade the Sky People for the lives of her own people, but they resented her for the show of weakness when she wouldn't exact revenge on them for all they had done. It was fair, hell, she resented her own damn self.

It had only been a few weeks after Clarke decided to leave Camp Jaha, to leave Bellamy and everyone else, behind. She wasn't particularly lacking for food, she could hunt well enough, and there were always streams to get water from. There were a couple times she had to avoid hunting parties from the camp. Each time she had to shake herself from being worried because she never saw Bellamy on any of those hunts.

But the weather was steadily getting colder, and curing hides to make usable furs had never been her strongest skill. It had been getting harder to keep moving. She had been trying to sleep during the day, knowing that the night would only bring colder temperatures, so she decided that keeping mobile at night would be the best way to keep her from freezing.

It had been one of her daytime dozes that Echo or one of her people must have gotten to her. In all fairness, the little makeshift hut she had been able to make for herself from branches and pine needles wasn't exactly hard to spot. Though, for as angry as she had been at the time, she couldn't help but feel a level of appreciation for the Grounders' ability to make tranquilizers from natural flora.

When she finally came to, and it couldn't have been more than a couple hours later, she was cloudy, confused and her mouth was dry. It took her a moment to finally open her eyes to take in her surroundings; her mind seemed to be running at half its usual pace, but the first thing she noticed was that she was warm; warmer than she had been in weeks.

"Am I dead?" Clarke hadn't been expecting an answer when she spoke, but the sudden nearness of a voice jolted her to a more awake and aware state. "You are not dead, Clarke of the Sky People. But much longer in the cold might have killed you." The voice was mildly gruff, but definitely feminine, though Clarke couldn't place it.

She sat up as quickly as she could, though it was only a fraction of the speed she'd usually have, and looked around her to take in the room. It was a hut of sorts, but it was one of the nicer ones that Clarke had seen the Grounders use. It had a basic and primitive log cabin look to it, but it was also covered in thatch and furs to seal in warmth. There weren't too many decorations in the room, but she noticed a handful of weapons by the door way, as well as a few resting on the other couple beds in the room.

One of the first things she noticed was that there were two guards at the door. A male and female Grounder, but they looked like seasoned warriors. That wasn't even counting the Grounder at her bedside watching her carefully. Clarke could tell right away that she wouldn't have been able to fight her way out even if she was at full strength. She had only been able to fight her way past one Grounder by herself once before and that was only because she was able to trick him and surprise him. She may be able to hold her own in a fight, but that doesn't mean she could win against them all the time.

"Why did you bring me here?" Her voice was raw, her mouth dry from the after effect of whatever they had given her to put her to sleep to bring her here. The Grounder female next to her, who seemed to be the leader of the room, didn't even so much as blink, "You are here because we would like for you to tell us your story. We have heard bits and pieces, but we wish to know it all." Clarke couldn't wrap her head around what the Grounder was saying, it was too much to take in. "You want to know my story?"

"We know that the Mountain Men are dead. We heard tell of it by nearby villages and we went to check ourselves to see the truth. Since then, we have heard that you were responsible for their destruction. We know this too be true as well because we have also been watching your people's camp. What we wish to know is what happened after Lexa commanded our retreat. We want to know how you put an end to them, and why you left your camp after everything happened. Would you tell us your tale?" The girl spoke calmly, her voice persuasive but quiet.

The more Clarke watched her, the more familiar she looked, but for the life of her she couldn't place her. When Clarke had worked with Lexa she had seen hundreds upon thousands of Grounder warriors from the coalition, perhaps she was one of them? Before she could even speak again the man from the door spoke up. "If you have done as we think you have, we would like to offer you a place in our village. We don't know why you have been on your own for these past weeks, but we know that you are not equipped to survive the coming winter." The woman quickly chimed in, "We mean no offense of course, it is simply fact as we see it."

Clarke nodded slightly, her eyes closed tightly as she tried to think. She wasn't used to being around people; it had been weeks since she left Bellamy and the others. "You think I'll die on my own, but you want me to join you because you think I'm… What? Some kind of warrior hero now?" The two warriors from the door turned to the girl that Clarke was mostly sure was the leader. The girl took a deep breath to speak again. "My name is Echo. I met Bellamy in the harvest chamber of the mountain. He helped me, he helped all of us. The commander may have secured our safe release, but Bellamy released us from our cages, and gave us the chance for what we really wanted; revenge."

"Lexa made a deal that betrayed not only your alliance and your people, but she betrayed our right for blood. Since our time in our new village, we learned of how your alliance came to be. One of your people was killed because he murdered 18 of ours. You were told that blood must have blood, and as such his death was necessary. I pass no judgement on his actions, or what became of it afterwards, but the result of Lexa's deal with the Mountain Men was a breech in tradition. A refusal of our right to the blood of those who killed so many of us. You may not be Trikru, but you have killed our enemies when we were not able, and for that, we owe you a debt."

Clarke's head seemed to spin with every word the grounder said to her, she stared intently on her face, trying to hold her grip on reality. "You heard that I put and end to Mount Weather… So now you want to do me a favor?" Her voice, even to her, sounded manic; a half laugh, half mad utterance. The two warriors from the door looked at Echo, each seeming to question the safety in this offer now that Clarke's sanity seemed to be in question. Echo placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder, holding her there even when she would have flinched away. "Your isolation is hurting your heart and mind, the cold and lack of food is killing your body, let us help you."

Those words, the gently spoken harsh reality of them nearly knocked the air from her lungs. It sounded so much like Bellamy in that moment. You may think you can do it on your own, but a little help can go a long way, Princess. At the time she had hated his nickname for her, but now she almost yearned for it. She opened her mouth, and she didn't quite know why, but the story began spilling out of her. What the Mountain Men had been doing before her people got there, what happened to the 48 who had been left when Clarke made her escape. She went on, crying and sobbing at points, explaining how she fought with everyone about what should be done: with Fin, her mother, her people, Lexa, even with herself.

She wanted to tell them how brave Bellamy had been after he got them out of their cages, but for the life of her she couldn't get his name out without choking on it. When it finally got to the point where she told of how she and Octavia made it into the control room, how they had to watch as the Mountain Men tortured and killed their people, Clarke could no longer keep her voice in check. There were moments when she was quiet, sound barely escaping her throat, but the next second she would be screaming, as if the truth of it all, the violent confession of her sins, just needed to be out in the open. Finally she told of the level she had pulled, the choice she had made to save her people, and how she couldn't take her eyes off the screens that showed, almost in slow motion, the lives she had to take. How she watched them scream and claw at their bodies, radiation burns spreading.

In the end, when she had told of the children, the innocent people, even the people who had tried to help them escape, and how she had forced herself to watch them die, to witness what she had brought about, then Echo and her warriors began to make sense of why Clarke left her people. They could understand the mourning for those lost of their own people, and even held the innocents of their enemies in some decent regard, but it was new to them, hearing the way she felt at it, and they seemed to realize how deeply it had sundered her soul.

"Clarke of the Sky People, Destroyer of our Enemies, we grieve for your pain, even if we cannot fully grasp it. It is clear enough you are having trouble… Coming to terms with what you had to do, though, in the end, you are still a warrior and savior in our terms. Should you wish it, you would be more than welcome to join our village." Echo offered out her hand, standing, and waited to see if Clarke might take it. The warriors, who had, during the story, returned to their posts on either side of the door, bowed their heads in respect and waiting to see what might happen.

Clarke thought for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality what was only a few seconds. She thought about her time in solitary on the Ark, and how even then she still had the comfort of seeing the guards who would see her fed and such, and how she missed even the smallest interactions in the wild. She thought about Echo's words, about how the solidarity of it would drive her mad, and Clarke knew she was right. Even if she survive the cold of winter, even if she didn't starve, she wouldn't make it through the winter with her mind in tact, so slowly, carefully, she stood up and took the hand offered to her.


End file.
